I’m not sure why. There are soooo many posts sitting in the draft box but I never hit publish because I think they are not done yet. I still have this to add and that. I know they will never be perfect but I still keep chasing the perfection.
With Covid, I feel utterly depleted. I’m physically fine alhumdulillah but mentally I’m not sure. I have a hard time writing about:
Fear
Anxiety
Uncertainty
Panic
Guilt
Gratitude
Helplessness
Sad
Overwhelmed
Alone
Tired
Despair
“Tight” (can that be a feeling?)
Dark
Just breathe….
Take it one day at a time, one post at time, a chore at a time, one zoom call at a time.
This is part of Allah’s plan and it is ok for me to not have a clue as to what is going on because I’m not in control. I’m not in charge of my affairs. And oddly that is very relieving. That’s why Alhumdulillah I have this du’a up on my wall:
يَا حَيُّ يَا قَـيُّومُ بِرَحْمَتِكَ أَسْتَغِيثُ أَصْلِحْ لِي شَأْنِي كُلَّهُ ، وَلَا تَكِلْنِي إِلَى نَفْسِي طَرْفَةَ عَيْنٍ
“Ya Ḥayyu ya Qayyūm, by Your Mercy I seek help, rectify for me all of my affairs and do not leave me to depend on myself, even for the blink of an eye.” (Source: Hakim)
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