As a Muslim with bipolar disorder, getting married was a journey filled with unique challenges and triumphs that shaped me into the person I am today.
Embracing the Stigmatized Path
My Personal Story
Navigating the realm of marriage while battling bipolar disorder as a Muslim woman was challenging. Alhamdulillah, Allah sent me a husband who wasn't the best person but the right one meant to walk this beastly and beautiful path with me.
Overcoming External Stigma
With bipolar, I thought my fight was with the stigma and misconceptions in society. I thought it was an "out there and them" problem. It was and wasn't.
It was easy to see the external stigma when it came to getting married with bipolar. I had proposals tell me things like:
"My mom won't understand bipolar. She's an Arab.*"
"I don't think my insurance can cover your meds especially when you leave your country."
These were the honest guys who told me straight up that they couldn't marry me because of my bipolar. I admired them for discriminating unapologetically. It was clear and easy to deal with. The rejection still hurt but I didn't waste my time with them. I got my answer, scratched them off the list, and moved on.
Others were more subtle in their stigma but I could smell it miles away. This was a harder form of misconception. It was not easy to see so I couldn't pinpoint whether it was me or the bipolar that was ruining the proposal. This under-the-table discrimination wasted a lot of my time and tears.
It gets worse.
Overcoming Internal Stigma
Some say three fingers are pointing back at you when you are pointing the finger at someone else. In other words, it's easy to spot a flaw in others. It's much harder to point the finger towards yourself but that's usually where the bulk of the mistakes lie.
The same was true with stigma. I thought I was on a mission to fight society and for Muslim men to accept me with bipolar. What I didn't realize was that I had so many internal misconceptions that I needed to face.
Be the person you want to marry. Would you want to spend time with yourself?
I was desperately trying to find someone who would marry me but did I want to spend time with myself? At that point, it was a definite no.
No wonder why I tried to end my life so many times! The journey to getting married with bipolar was a journey to accepting myself with bipolar warts and all. I couldn't expect someone to love me when I didn't foster that love for myself.
Rejection, Recovery, and Rejoicing
You might be wondering whether the people who rejected me for marriage hurt me. No. By that time, I went through the stages of grief already that I talked about in my memoir. I accepted myself so other people turning me down didn't turn me away from myself.
Allah closed one door and opened another right away. Salespeople are admirable because they face so much rejection yet keep going. I became a great salesperson in the marriage business.
I rejected myself for a long time for having bipolar.
It was a long process to recover and it still is and alhumdulillah I am rejoicing now especially when I see the man Allah blessed me with.
Making Marriage Work with a Mental Illness
This could be a topic for a whole book. Marriage is not easy. Getting married after a divorce like me is not easy. Getting married with a divorce and mental illness is not easy.
Alhumdulillah it was Allah's plan and I took action. My mom always supported me and gave me hope that I would find the right person. Such a person in your life is important. A cheerleader who will prop you up when bipolar pushes you down and it undoubtedly will.
If you don't have a cheerleader in your life, let me be that person. I'd be honored. You can and will find someone inshaAllah. Ask yourself:
Do I love myself the way I am? Bipolar and all.
What misconceptions do I hold about myself and my disorder?
Are those beliefs limiting me and holding me back from finding Mr. or Ms. Right?
Would I want to marry a person like me?
These questions can inshaAllah help you and guide you on your journey to find love. And of course, I'm always here to help. Drop me a comment below and tell me about your journey of getting married with bipolar.
*changed the names/details.
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